A Saving Grace
by paper-fl0wers
Summary: Ricky never wanted to let anyone else see him for who he really was. Ricky/Grace


**A/N: So this is my first venture into the _Secret Life _world and it probably won't be my last. I just recently started watching this show and it's a new (guilty) pleasure. I fell in love with Ricky's character because he's umm...gorgeous. Still not sure who I really want Ricky to be with. I'd like to see the whole series through before I make up my mind though I know Ramy is a favorite among shippers. I do like the Ricky/Grace pairing though so I decided to tackle that. This takes place in Season 1 around episode 14, The Father and the Son. P.S.: Sorry for the lack of a clever title. **

A Saving Grace

It's all I can do not to think about her at night. I can't sleep because I see her face. Even when my eyes are closed I see her, those golden locks framing a delicate face so perfectly. Those eyes, God, they hypnotize me. I can get lost in those vast aqua orbs.

You don't have to talk to Grace Bowman to know what she's like, one look at her and you have the perfect "good girl" stereotype. Her smile is one that she shares with everyone else. When she allows her smile to make her features glow she allows anyone to bask in it. Because she forgives, because she has to be everyone's friend.

But at the same time you don't have that stereotype. At least not the bad traits. She's so pure and genuinly good. A perky and, yes, quirky girl, but by no means a bimbo or a dumb blond. She wants to go to med school and allow the rest of the world to be treated with her love and jubilant spirit. She's a cheerleader, but one who has respect for her body and will only give it to a guy who deserves it. That guy isn't me. I'd give anything for it to be me though.

You didn't think I could be so poetic, did you? If not, I _know _you didn't think I could actually see past a pretty face and look into what a girl is really like. I've got news for you. I didn't think so either, but that's Grace for you. She brings out the best in people, even me.

I'm a dick.

I'm dating her and cheating on her at the same time. She may bring out the best in me, but damn it that doesn't mean she'll see it. She makes me want to be a better person somehow. No one has ever done that, but I want to change for her. I want her to save me and I don't know why.

It has nothing to do with God or her devotion to her faith. I'm not following her because I want to follow God. I gave up on God a long time ago. I wouldn't go as far as to say I don't believe in God, but I've lost faith. I lost faith and stopped caring about religion. God was supposed to help me. The two people who were supposed to love me more than anything else in the world stole any form of a childhood I could've had and then abandoned me when they were finished abusing me for pleasure. People just don't recover from that. I let myself fall so hard after that, as if I was hanging by a thread for so long, clinging to it for survival, and finally just decided to cut it myself, to let go. I couldn't figure out why my mother neglected me or my father abused me, so I just decided to blame myself. I figured if God didn't bother with me then I there must be something wrong with me and I deserved all that had happened. That started my disregard of respect for girls and respect for myself.

Then I met Grace. Grace who found out I went to therapy. And what did she do? She started calling herself a "Crazy Christian". I mean who does that? Who would want to even be _seen_ with the school's "freak"? But she did. She was right about one thing. She is crazy.

_"I'm surprised you're still speaking to me. What with my being crazy and all."_

_"Didn't you hear? I'm crazy too. Crazy Christian. I've been in therapy too."_

You don't get it, do you? What I went to therapy for isn't anything like what you went for, but Grace sees the best in people. So she looks at me with those delicate features and believes that I want to keep Amy's baby. She tried to stop Amy from aborting it as a favor to me....and God I guess.

My secret is let out one evening. My father gets out of jail and suddenly my mind is sent reeling. I can remember all those thoughts that I've spent so long trying to push into the back of my mind. I'm drowning, drowning under the shadows of my memories. What's worse though is that Grace can see as I drown, and then I begin to wonder. Is my father insane or am I? Or did he pass his insanity down to me?

_"My dad was wondering if your dad was in prison...for hitting you." _

At that point I was curious to see if this was the final straw. Maybe this is the last time Grace will be able to see the good in me. It's probably too much for her fragile heart to handle. A parent _hitting _his son? That kind of stuff only happens in movies.

_"Yes, as well as other things."_

_"I'm so sorry." _Her liquid aqua eyes are shinning with pain. She's feeling for me. Instead of being freaked or turned off her sympathy is shinning through in her eyes. I don't know whether I hate that or adore it. I think both. And she tells me I can still call her, adding a bright smile and "It wasn't your fault" to the end of that in her silky smooth voice.

It was at that moment, that acceptance for who I am, that I knew I loved her. Nobody, aside from my foster parents, has ever known the truth about my childhood. Grace knows and she openly accepts. Because Grace loves unconditionally. She wears her heart on her sleeve, open to let anyone in to see what she really feels. I want to change. I want to be a better person for her.

I talk to Amy and she mentions putting the baby up for adoption. I never really thought it'd be a good idea and from day one I wanted to be in my child's life, but suddenly I argue with a new sense of motivation and passion. I want to take care of that baby, for me and for Grace.

And as I walk away from Amy after saying everything I need to say about my refusal to support her putting the baby up for adoption all I can think about is Grace and her honey golden ringlets flowing down her shoulders_. She's beautiful_, I think to myself_, inside and out._

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